| Saturday, June 02, 2007 |
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it's o13o in the morning and i can't sleep. guess i slept too much during the day.. fuck. there's the pa paddle championships tomorrow afternoon and here i am, blogging, trying to get myself out of this emo mood and just.. SLEEP. i feel like waking someone(s) up from his/her sleep and just.. chatting. anything would definitely be better than this. but everyone's too tired from work, school, or just plain.. unavailable. anns.... why aren't you back yet?! sighs. what's it like to know that you've been a little wrong about someone? i won't go as far to say that i'm sorry, cos i'm not. but that's all in the past, and well, i live in the present. i realized that i don't hate you anymore.. i just don't think we'd ever be best friends. hah. what a nice way to put it. seriously, though, i guess i've realized that i just can't be bothered about you. go do whatever you want, but the initial reasons for hating you are gone, one by one, and with them, my "hate", as it were. but please, don't be stupid and go around telling people i don't like you. that's just plain asking for it. and this is about a completely different you, but have you ever thought how it isn't fair that you throw tantrums at me, you don't like it when i go out with guys alone, when they're just friends to me, but it's okay for you to do that, without telling me? at least i don't! and the few occasions i do, which is like what, class gatherings?, i tell you. don't think that i will never ever find out. i told you a lot of times already. i ain't stupid. it's exactly the opposite, actually. hah. please. is that so much to ask for, that you tell me exactly who you're going out with and not hide the truth from me cos you thought i wouldn't like it? like i said today, to someone else, people change, feelings change, everything changes. i just want you to be honest with me, that's all.. finding out so much i didn't know about... well.. let's just say it hurt. not as much as it would have last time when i.. nvm.., but still..... i'm just writing it all here, cos i want you to know how i felt.. i don't wanna quarrel with you yet again.. i'm tired of that, i really am. not to mention that i have a race tomorrow and sunday. it ain't a good time for me to get all emo and stuffs. plus i'm going penang for 5 days on weds.... i'm already so emo. i'm not unreasonable, no. i told you you can do what you want, as long as you tell me. i may not like it, but that doesn't mean i'll stop you. no, i won't, and you should know it. i just don't like being made to look like a fool. you might argue that you would never do that, but isn't it always unintentional? people think i'm crazy, always being with you, always wanting to be with you when i'm not, always flaring up, being hurt, at the slightest things..... i'm sorry okayy. it's just that this time, with you, it's just so different.......... everything's so different.. i'm no longer the ol' roxanne whose logic always precedes her emotions. quite the contrary. with you, i'm the roxanne whose emotions always precedes her logic. though i try to control it, it's always act first, think later. and you know what? it scares the shit out of me. on a totally different note, i've mixed feelings about penang. i want to go, it's such a good experience, such good exposure, and i know we can win there. yet, part of me doesn't want to leave singapore for so long.... the last time i went was already bad enough.. and this time, things are different. it's very hard for me to put it into words, especially on a place as open as my blog...... but that's all excuses, ain't it? i guess the truth is just that i don't want everyone to know. not that i would know how to put it across even if i did want everyone to know, though the point is that i don't.... but i digress. it won't solve the problem, anyway.. no matter how much i try to hide it or pretend i'm over it, it's always there at the back of my mind.... oh well. sighs. it's o2o2. time i tried to sleep, or i doubt i can wake up for the training before the comp tomorrow. wish me luck. it hurts that you're not coming. you promised. but what's the point anyway? it's not as if i'm involved in every f.ing race tomorrow. |
| 'please don't stop the music 1:30 am |
now playing :
| song of my life. |
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Past the point of no return - no backward glances: the games we've played till now are at an end. Past all thought of "if" or "when" - no use resisting: abandon thought, and let the dream descend . . . |
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| Writer |
| I am an eighteen-year-old student currently attending Republic Polytechnic. I enjoy reading, writing, chilling, intelligence, and sarcasm. My goals in life include being a professional slacker, wasting as much of my time, life and intelligence away, sleeping a minimum of 12 hours everyday, being a successful bum, and maybe, possibly, someone you could bring home to meet mom with. |
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Free shoutbox @ ShoutMix |
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| Credits |
| This layout was created by Coram Deo. Other credits go to X X and X |
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