| Monday, March 31, 2008 |
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just some stuff anns - my best friend studying/living in perth - emailed that made me think.... albeit a lil' too much, but well, better than nothing........ right? =X "hahaha.... calling you in the middle of the night seems like the worst thing to do IF you're asleep. all those illegible mumblings and "hmmm..."s and "erms...." and worse.... TOTAL SILENCE." ehh. not true. i've always maintained it DEPENDS on what time you call me and how long i've been sleeping and who it is.... ahahahaha. i'm biased. eh no. correction: my SUBCONSCIOUS is biased. don't blame it on me! i'm innocent!! yeah right. still... xD "you are mature whether you like it or not. the idea of a mature kid kinda describes us. we at the age that we are stuck between being the irresponsible kid and responsible adult. we know we are supposed to be matured and do the right thing but sometimes being matured and doing the right thing is just no fun and downright exhausting. so we go back and be the irresponsible kid, doing the wrong thing despite the fact that we know what it is right. i know i'm supposed to do my assignment and study but i don't and still play around. you live the way you do because you refuse to let things take away the enjoyment in life. but you'll learn to grow up to be the matured adult sooner or later because life decreeds that you must. you will be forced to face up to reality and do something about it. be it changes to your life, the way you live, your studies or career. you will have to do something about it." ahh.. i started the whole mature thingy cos i was reading anne rice's feast of the saints. great book, though it took me AGES to finish it - it's always been the case with anne rice and john grisham's books. no idea why - and well, it made me think. as in, really really THINK. and think a LOT. which, if you know me (and how i really really think), translates to lots of late night deep, philosophical discussions, totally random remarks/questions, tons of rhetoric, constant weight on my mind, and unusual silence. sighs. well, you see, it all started with my parents constantly asking me what am i gonna do when i graduate. all those constant loving attention, in the form of concerned questions, suddenly showered on me, is seriously starting to grate on my nerves. and of course, coupled with a book that makes you think about life and love and maturity...... see the pain that i was going through? of course not. you wouldn't understand anyway. perhaps, if i cut and paste what i emailed anns in the first place, you might understand. might. "oh well. see, the thing is, i'm not sure if i want to pursue events management as a degree.... it's all and well to get a diploma. but a degree? i was trying to be honest with my dad about this - which is where the arguments stemmed from. in the field of events management, a degree is nothing. it's just a piece of paper which - frankly - makes you harder to employ. cos it means that you think you're better than the rest of them, and you're demanding more pay cos of that. and well, i'm the pioneer batch of my course, which is kinda supported by singapore tourism board, and our graduation coincides with the opening of the IR, which is all planned, actually. since my diploma is dip in integrated events management. plus after my batch, other polys came up with the same course.. so technically we have a "headstart", or one year's grace worth of it anyway. and y'noe events is an experience driven industry... but to NOT go to uni.. can i live with that, knowing that i'm "intelligent" and "smart" enough to get into one - if i choose to. if i wanted to. if i had studied hard enough. if if if.. but what are the chances of me getting a degree if i work first then study later? close to zero. i know myself. i live for the NOWs. cos if there's a LATER involved, then most likely than not it's not gona get done. which kinda brings me back to growing up and maturity. suddenly i get the feeling that i'm refusing to grow up and be really matured and study for my future. still the rebellious kid. people say i'm matured. but maturity is more than a state of mind, more than a behaviour, more than understanding life, more than a way of looking at things. maturity is when you're all that, and you actually DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. take michelle for example. i still feel that she's so much more matured than me. i might be smarter. i might be more intelligent. i might be more well-spoken. more eloquent. more understanding. but the one who's working hard to that goal of studying, knowing that it'd all eventually help in future, it's still her. i'm just a kid still. a matured kid, but a kid nonetheless. i see it, i know it, i feel it. but in my own naivety, i tell myself that it doesn't bother me. it doesn't affect me. there's still time. elex says everything is not as simple as i make it out to be. i retorted that everything is not as complex as he makes it out to be. hah. perhaps i shouldn't be so happy-go-lucky, or rather, so damned lucky. everything falls into place in it's own time, in it's own place, for me. maybe because of that, i've taken a complacent attitude to life. hakuna matata, y'noe. haha. but future.... that's what i'm worried for. i think that in some ways, i know that i can't go on like this forever, and in others, well, why not?" so. understand what prompted her reply, as well as the bloody weight on my mind? oh. and the fact that my current gpa is a whopping 2.39. wheee. *roll eyes* to be honest? i'm kinda disappointed in myself. then again, i'm irrationally proud. how many people can claim the fact that they've skipped at least 7 - 9 out of 16 days per module, 1 out of 4 tests, attending just the minimum required number of lessons and tests to pass, get As and Bs for tests (among other grades, that is), slack in class and do nothing except watch movies/blog/chat on msn/stone, come late and get downgraded in glass, fail tests, and still get an average gpa of 2.39? i'm weird, i know. then again, i'm only human.. aren't i entitled to be weird? humans ARE weird. xD |
| 'please don't stop the music 12:10 am |
now playing :
| song of my life. |
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Past the point of no return - no backward glances: the games we've played till now are at an end. Past all thought of "if" or "when" - no use resisting: abandon thought, and let the dream descend . . . |
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| Writer |
| I am an eighteen-year-old student currently attending Republic Polytechnic. I enjoy reading, writing, chilling, intelligence, and sarcasm. My goals in life include being a professional slacker, wasting as much of my time, life and intelligence away, sleeping a minimum of 12 hours everyday, being a successful bum, and maybe, possibly, someone you could bring home to meet mom with. |
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| Credits |
| This layout was created by Coram Deo. Other credits go to X X and X |
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