| Saturday, April 12, 2008 |
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Memoriter check it out. it's a personality test with only 4 questions. i think we've all probably came across it at various times or other in our emails, but well, this version is the best i've seen. and the things that it made me realize about me.... well, let's just say that it's making me think. =) i don't know why but i've been having really weird dreams lately. sometimes, i even feel as though the dreams are reality.... so real do they feel to me. and there's some, which i feel i ought to recognize, but i don't. dreams that my mind insists happened in real life, but i know they didn't. sighs. i just want untroubled sleep....... speaking of sleep, kinda cried myself to sleep last night. erm, don't ask me why, cos i'm not really sure why myself. the trigger was probably the photos.. was looking through them as is my habit whenever i'm... bored.. and i'll stop, take my time, and relive each and every photo - remembering the person i was, the feelings i had, the time, the people, the place...... as much detail as i could possibly remember. and once again, the "what ifs" plague me. what if we hadn't broken up? what if things hadn't happened the way they did? what if we were still together now? would i be still insanely jealous, but pretending not to care? would it have felt the same or as stilted as it had begun to feel? would we have changed? would what we feel be the same as it was in the beginning? would we (i, in particular) feel so stifled by the whole relationship? what if i had given another chance? what if i hadn't been so hard-hearted? what if............ then i remembered my birthday, and with it, my reasons for my decision came back to me, one by every single one. i still can't forget, or forgive what happened on my 18th birthday... the feelings i had. suffered. went through. i can't. i just can't. i could only cry harder, as i remembered. and i just can't stop remembering. the good along with the bad. i wish i could just remember the good.... not lay awake at night, staring at my ceiling, knowing that sleep is still a long way from coming and think of things that make me cry. sighs. ken went into ns today..... april 11th. it was my idea, before he went in, to meet up with him for lunch or dinner or something and apologize...... it's this undeniable need to apologize to him for the way i've treated him so many years ago. i didn't mean to. i was scared as it was and he just scared me more.. and so, i hurt and ran from the first person who liked me, and whom i liked too. i still got my bear, by the way........ sighs. he's so sweet, and he deserves someone who's as sweet as him.. i'm not trying to be the one (duh!), but i just wanted to apologize to him for treating him so badly then... and even after, when i avoided him for years just because i couldn't face myself for what i did whenever i saw him.. -sighs- oh well, as xi wen said, there's always "when he books out". (err the thought of ken without his signature chicken backside hair is..... mind-boggling, to say the least) it's my fault anyway.. been soo caught up with first the s.f.f., then falling so sick i couldn't get my ass out of bed - and when i did, i couldn't stomach my food. blahh. oh wells. i'll make it up someday. someway. |
| 'please don't stop the music 2:53 am |
now playing :
| song of my life. |
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Past the point of no return - no backward glances: the games we've played till now are at an end. Past all thought of "if" or "when" - no use resisting: abandon thought, and let the dream descend . . . |
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| Writer |
| I am an eighteen-year-old student currently attending Republic Polytechnic. I enjoy reading, writing, chilling, intelligence, and sarcasm. My goals in life include being a professional slacker, wasting as much of my time, life and intelligence away, sleeping a minimum of 12 hours everyday, being a successful bum, and maybe, possibly, someone you could bring home to meet mom with. |
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Free shoutbox @ ShoutMix |
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| Credits |
| This layout was created by Coram Deo. Other credits go to X X and X |
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