| Tuesday, July 29, 2008 |
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i'm not what you think i am.... but i'm not what they think i am either. essentially, i am still the same ol' me. a lil' older, maybe a lil' wiser, a lil' street smarter..... but still me. and probably a lil' more fun-loving, a lil' more slacking, a lil' more rebelling. i guess it's that i started to show my love for living..... i've always loved to slack, to rebel, to live life, to have fun, to BE fun. but i've never really dared. often i'd felt inhibited by what others would think, or say. i know it's stupid, but yeah. hence the reason why i soo relished the thought of 'starting over' in a totally new school - which explains sajc and rp. i could be who i want. no one would be wiser for it. it's like for the most part of my life, i was watching and listening from behind a glass door... everything's so muted and suddenly...... the door vanishes, and i step into the world of which i'd been dreaming about for soo long. yes, it ain't as rosy as i thought it'd be, but it's where i wanna be. and i had to change too in order to fit in... then again, perhaps the word isn't change, but that i'd let myself be free. reinvented myself, kind of, i guess.... comparing me then as i am now, yes i've definitely changed.... tons. anyone who saw my ic photo would probably testify to that. =.= geeky, nerdy, to start........ it's a wonder people still recognize me. ha ha. sighs. life's a bitch at times, ain't it? it sucks that some people think badly because of me. because i this, because i that, because i blah blah blah. i'm still a good girl at heart... although i may act like a toughie, like i don't care, don't give a f... yes i know i curse and swear a lot, i have - at times - a bad attitude, i club, i drink, i... well. other stuff as well. but this doesn't mean that i'm bad! or that i'm a bitch. i hate the once-overs that most girls give me - the ones that's better known as the bitchy stare - , yet i'm still curious as to WHY. seriously... why? i didn't DO anything. i didn't SAY anything. i didn't even LOOK. at them or their bfs. i guess it's probably one of those questions in life that won't ever get answered. sighs. honestly though, i hope that the trend is breaking. the trend of attracting certain kinda guys. hopefully............... sighs. though this time round kris said she was a lil' not used to it, and i gotta admit, neither am i. still. i'm tired of playing the game. play or be played. hah. no matter how many times i've played it, i still can't escape unscathed. i take everything too personally... every word, every gesture.... even though i know better. -major sighs- feel so jaded; like i've lived a hundred lives. i like the direction that things seem to take now. yet... yet i think i'm not used to such a slow pace. gotta learn to take it slow............ urghh. it's so hard.... :(:(:( i'd give anything to know...... for certain. oh well. patience is a virtue. please don't be like the rest... please. |
| 'please don't stop the music 2:14 am |
now playing :
| song of my life. |
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Past the point of no return - no backward glances: the games we've played till now are at an end. Past all thought of "if" or "when" - no use resisting: abandon thought, and let the dream descend . . . |
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| Writer |
| I am an eighteen-year-old student currently attending Republic Polytechnic. I enjoy reading, writing, chilling, intelligence, and sarcasm. My goals in life include being a professional slacker, wasting as much of my time, life and intelligence away, sleeping a minimum of 12 hours everyday, being a successful bum, and maybe, possibly, someone you could bring home to meet mom with. |
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| Tag |
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Free shoutbox @ ShoutMix |
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| Credits |
| This layout was created by Coram Deo. Other credits go to X X and X |
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